one last post.
to thrash out all the rubbish inside me.
after that, i'm so done with everything.

here goes.

you talked bout betrayal of trust.
and you talked bout respect.
let me ask you.
what bout my feelings of being betrayed?
by 2 people i held close.
you know what i'd do to myself for her.
you've seen me change. to worse.
was my feelings respected?
was i even a person at all?
go figure which you is you. >.<

i actually let a little one worry about me.

i'm so sorry.

but trust me to know what i'm doing yeah?

i'm old enough to take care of myself already.

maybe i don't, i'll learn.

:))

and thank god for bros.

kai. my toiletbowl whenever i spout shit.

ian. always there. no matter where you are. i am here too.

yv. we always face tough times together. this time roud we'll tide through it again.

sighs.

don't know what i'll do without them.

you don't see. my change.

that is my love for you.

i'd give everything just to see you happy. anything.

you're not now.

partly my fault. most of it your own.

it's the way you work. i understand.

and you said. like my r/s with her was SO serious.

tell me. if you blame me for leaving or if you see me as a player.

all i need is a word from you.

i will stay. for you and only you. don't even need your appreciation. if you say it.

(but let's not be dumb. words get thrown around. HURT again.)

if i can change something from the past, i'll never let you into my circle of friends.

and let you break it into 2.

my future hall life was something i looked forward to.

now it is ruined.

not blaming you. never did.

i accept you for who you are.

stand by you for who you are.

i hope one day you'll see that it's true.

my only warning. don't ever hurt my friend. simple as that.

nevermind. let's leave it here. your life. your choices.

self mutilations, inflictions or whatever forms of hurt to myself.

no more of them.

i'm focused now.

if i need help, i'm gonna seek it.

no more living in the dump.

not wasting myself.

i love you.
i will always love you.
your heart is still the light of my life.
but it is time for me to move on.
i don't know where i'll go or how i'll get there.
but i must go.
i always remember what you said.
i hope it stays true.
someday, i'll meet you there.

- evan

at 6/29/2006 01:54:00 AM.